I have Broken Bones in my body…
I have lost valuables to thieves…
I have EVEN been hit by a fricken CAR!!
But no feeling…no torment on this sick and twisted planet we call earth could ever, ever EEEVER!! Compare to the soul crushing, ego stomping, ball busting, head screwing, tit clenching, ass kicking pain of realizing that you are in “The Friend Zone”.
For anyone who doesn’t know what the friend zone is allow me to explain….
The friend Zone is a painful and tormenting social position in which the girl or guy of your dreams considers you as nothing more than a “close friend”…
Now ideally I should not get personal about this particular theory of mine
However!
The sad truth of the matter is that up until early year 11 my life practically WAS the friend zone.
She sees you as a charming and lovable little teddy bear, someone whose shoulder is good to cry on and whose ear is always willing to listen. And whose charm can always make her laugh…
However!
Despite her “Fuzzy” feelings about your “friendship”, what she doesn’t know is that nothing in this world would make you happier than throwing her up against the nearest wall, ripping through her clothes with your own teeth and mounting her like a Silver Back gorilla…
But could you ever admit this?
HELL NO!
It’d complicate things. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if it becomes weird between us? What if we can never be the same again??
NO! all you can do is admire her from a distance like a pedophile in a nursery, knowing that if you make a move or even THINK about making a move, all hell can (and therefore will) break loose! And you’ll end up in more trouble than a Jewish homosexual in the middle of K.K.K meeting…
So while you sit there, listening to the girl/guy of your dreams tell you about someone else they hooked up with…you begin to wonder, how the hell do you stay out of this position you’re in…and now (after months of internet research, open talks with guys and girls, reading magazine articles and YEARS of learning the hard way) I have come up with 4 things you need to remember if you want to stay OUT of the “Friend Zone”
- Make your intentions Clear
If you meet someone who grabs your romantic interest and refuses to let go; make it obvious that you like them in more than just a friendly capacity…flirt A LOT, make it obvious that you really do like him/her without necessarily saying as much.
Ask them out on a date but NEVER call it a date…it just sounds weird (Unless you’re in a cheesy 90’s romantic comedy staring Tom hanks and Julia Roberts…)
So long as you organize it for it to just be the two of you…it’ll be obvious that it’s a…D.A.T.E…
- Sexual tension
Simply put, the major difference between friends and Partners is “Sexual tension”.
You know sexual tension when you see it. the two people are flirting CONSTANTLY.
You can see it in the way they look at each other, their tone of voice, how close they sit with each other, how comfortable they are touching each other ETC.
Probably the greatest single lesson I learned is that body language changes everything!
Look at them as if you’re interested…don’t Perv them up or anything, I mean regardless of how good they look their not meat! But look them in the eyes long enough for them to realize that you’re interested in them. Weather we know it or not we can tell how someone feels about us simply from how they look at us…so just like you give people “Evil” eyes and “angry” eyes you can give someone “I want you now” eyes…try it in the mirror and see if I’m wrong…
Also
talk about sex! Again don’t be a pervert about it and shout out SEX in the middle of a conversation…but bringing it up, perhaps joking about it, puts it on the table (metaphorically speaking) and adds an extra layer to the tension (which I believe is good)
Think of it this way…if someone says a word, you think about that word and it’s meaning…someone says the word “Sex” and you begin to think about it…simple psychology :D
3. Detachment
NO ONE LIKES A KISS ASS!!!! Simple! If he or she says something you disagree with then don’t pretend you do! Be independent. You don’t need to impress anyone so don’t feel that you should try and agree with everything he/she says just so it seems like you have a “connection” because that connection is carrying a train…and do you know where that train is heading? “THE FRIEND ZONE”
Also do other things. You don’t need to text this new person every single day just to find out how his/her day has been. They say “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and they also say that “the thrill is in the chase”…I’ not saying you need to play games with people…BUT you don’t want to seem to “Keen” because you become “dependable” and the whole buzz about sexual tension is knowing that “something COULD happen…but it also COULD not” …create a little distance helps keep the hold “will we or wont we” pressure alive…
4. Assume NOTHING
It is IMPOSSIBLE to completely evade the friend zone…we all fall into it from time to time…
Believe it or not…not every person you find smoking hot is going to feel the same way about you…and besides maybe they just left a long relationship? Perhaps they don’t particularly want to be in one…
The most important lesson in all of this is that you cant be disappointed every time you don’t get what you want…cause it’s gonna happen…you just gotta suck it up and move on.
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