Attention please!

It’s important to realize very early on in life that everyone is the star of their own Movie.
If we take the words of William Shakespeare “All the world's a stage” then you begin to a paint a very convincing picture… we all encounter the conflicts, the romance, the suspense, the pressures, the risks, the successes and the failures that come with a piece of drama...

However being the star of your OWN movie simply isn’t enough for most people.

Believe it or not I love attention, not only do I love it, I actively seek it! If I enter a room then I would like you, your mother and your next door neighbor to know about it...
The idea of simply Fading into the background like an extra on the set of Hollyoaks fills me with a deep and unshakable feeling of…well…lets just say it doesn’t make me feel good.

BUT!

Like most important things in this world, Attention is usually only noticed when someone isn’t getting enough, (or perhaps, is getting to much)

Ever since I was a young (he says as if he is approaching retirement in the near future…) I’ve had this almost supernatural ability that I like to call “Social Microwaving” (Cue: lightning sound effect

It’s a trait that many politicians and con-men (If they aren’t the same thing…) have acquired…
The ability to intensely focus on a SINGLE person for a certain period of time…to feed them so much of your undivided attention that they begin to feel like you and they are the ONLY people in the room.

It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to chat up a girl on the bus, trying to cheer up a saddened loved one or simply showing someone you care. The best way to get someone to confide in you is to make them the staring role In you’re personal production.

For a 20, 30, 60 minute stretch they begin to feel like a special guest on YOU’RE Sit com (the Brad Pit in your episode if friends…the Brendan Frasier in scrubs…), and begin to warm up to you from the inside out, revealing more about themselves they are even aware of.

Many time’s I’ve had people talk to me for hours and then literally stop themselves and ask “wow, I have no idea why I’m telling you all this…” (Cue evil laughter)
You would be surprised how much people are willing to share if you simply give them the attention they desire.

The real trick Isn’t so much how you treat the other person…it’s how much your willing to ignore about everything else…for the next “x” amount of time…you (insert name here) are my number 1 priority…my phone goes off? I’ll ignore it, I was watching a film but I’ll turn the T.V off.

So next time you find yourself in a 1 on 1 situation with someone you need to impress, or keep happy…try a little social microwaving and see if it doesn’t just get you where you want to be :D

The C.O.M.D Guide to being single (2010 edition)

Dusting through my old computer files I found an old piece entitled (how to be single as a teenager) which i had written a couple years back (before the blog)

So, after a few tweeks and changes and corrections allow me to introduce to you my guide to being single
Enjoy ^^
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Being single can be HELL, it can be a tortuous and frustrating state to be in and one that seems to be constant and never ending

BUT!

Being single can be the single most awesome and uplifting experiences in modern life. Think about it.
The true beauty of youth is the factor of ‘possibility’. When you’re young you have you’re ENTIRE future ahead of you…you could become a doctor…a lawyer…an intercontinental professional wrestler (I’d Call myself Kid Phantom) the possibilities are ENDLESS!! And the same can be said with being single!

IF you find yourself lamenting the day to day task of being a single man (or woman) in Great Britain follow my simple 5 step plan to happiness…

Step 1-The Cop…

You are a cop...

When a police man walks into the room he does it with authority…he is the LAW! You WILL respect him…he demands it…he doesn’t need to SAY a thing. It’s important to have that feeling of self importance…you are not just another dude (or female) you are the one and only! Know that in a room of at least 10 people it is guaranteed that at least 1 person will be looking at you at any given time. It’s not a mater of being full of yourself…it’s matter of knowing exactly how much you’re worth.

Buy clothes that make you feel better than everyone else…stand out…keep an eye out for fashion BUT deviate from it…you don’t wanna be wearing the same shirt, shoes, dress, skirt, jeans or baseball cap as everyone else. You’re clothes are your uniform they represent the brand…and they better represent well…

Step 2- The Con artist

You’re also the criminal…strategic, cerebral, calculated and cool…a criminal needs to be able to focus and become what ever he/she needs to at a moments notice…go about your daily life as you would but ALWAYS keep an eye open for a potential ‘mark’. Analyze the situation and adjust accordingly.

In a library? Pick up on what she’s (or he’s) reading “hey I notice you’re reading (Charles dickens, Financial Times, Life and times of King Henry the VIII, Suicide bombing for dummies) I don’t suppose you’re studying (English, Economy, History, Al Qaeda) what’s that course like here…

And just like that the “con is on” it’s nothing genius it’s simply Reading the situation and adjusting your tone to it. At a party? Ask her to dance! Out shopping ask for her opinion on something…tis simple! And it’s also helped by tip 3

Step 3- The worldly Scholar

Learning isn’t simply about Chemical bonds and Algebra. Learning is a fun part of life all the way until you die.

People tend to live their life between college (university now) and late night clubbing and they simply slip and slide from one side to the other like a ball in an eternal tennis match but what about Social clubs? Why not take up a sport, an activity! A new hobby. Instead of watching kung fu films why not learn a martial art? Why not learn to play ice hockey? Or dance the tango?

The world is WAY to large to paint yourself into a small little corner. Why not experience more, it makes you a more interesting person as a whole and not only can it be fun but it’s an AWESOME way to meet new people.

The most interesting people I’ve met seem to have tried a little bit everything, they can dance, play an instrument, have an active sport interest, enjoy crafts etc and the more that you do the more you can have in common with people! And let’s not forget you can always quit after a few weeks if it doesn’t hold your interest…

Who knows…you might be a natural golfer? Or master of the waltz…you’ll never know unless you give it a shot…

Step 4- The “Friend”

Guy’s… believe it or not girls actually make good friends...like in a platonic sense

Now I know a lot of you are thinking what’s the point of having a female friend if your not trying to get into her pants BUT the truth is having a trusted girl or two (or maybe even a group) can give you a real advantage out there in the tough dating world (wow did I really just call it the dating world?...what is this sex and the city?)

Girls can tell you what’s hot and what’s not. They can give you honest advice as to what cheesy lines are gonna fly and which one’s will get you slapped harder than a big ass in a P.Diddy video.
Let’s not forget that girls can inevitably hook you up with OTHER GIRLS.

Now as someone who spent many a year in the “Friend Zone” (read previous blog’s for details…) Take it from me…revealing the female mind is IMPOSSIBLE unless you have a few female friends to help with the translations…

Step 5- The Genetics

No song, No movie, No blog, No Speech, No poem, No Letter, No product, No NOTHING, can Stop you from being you…It’s important to understand yourself more than ANYTHING else…know what you can do and celebrate it…know what you cant do and then accept it…perhaps even try to improve it but do not HATE it…Every strength you have will probably come with an associated weakness…consider it gods way of keeping all the players on the pitch equal….the trick is to do the best with what you CAN do.

At the end of the day you are the product of thousands of years of genetics…you come from a long line of Survivors…people who survived in the wilderness, the jungles, who have survived plagues, fights, wars and hardships. Your bloodline has gone through more drama than an entire decades worth of Soap Operas…Chances are any problem you’re going through has already been faced, dealt with and forgotten by someone who went before you.

So for the love of god realize that you are a success story waiting to happen, and every success story has it’s conflicts. OK so you didn’t get into your university of choice? Neither did martin Luther king. So you didn’t make the sports team you really wanted to? Neither did Michael Jordon back in high school. So the so called ‘love of your life dumped you for your best friend’ guess what she’s not the love of your life and he’s not your best friend He’s some punk who conned you into trusting him and she’s some skank disguised as an angel!! .

So as long as your alive your gonna have problems so cry me a river, build a bridge and GET OVER IT!
Have a little faith in your genes, they got you this far haven’t they, you really think they’re gonna stop now?